Becoming Vulnerable....

Who is she?

Where does she hide inside me?

Do something for me... play the following video, close your eyes, and feel where your Star Child is within you... is he hiding? is she wounded? is she afraid to show herself? 

And...

more importantly, ask yourself, all dimensions of yourself:  "Am I afraid to become vulnerable?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0MK7qz13bU

Take a deep breath and exhale slowly.  I just want to say to you, "You're not alone." I'd been frozen for a long time too!

But, I can truly say that I have completely thawed out... and the day I knew it to be true was the second day of:

Healing Arts ~ Liquid Light Frequencies

Coaching for Children

Part 1

with an incredible group of people in Holland. Because of this, I know it's time to become completely vulnerable and share my story, my truth.

I think it's time to tell who I am.... For you see, I've kept her locked safe inside for so long that there was a time I stopped thinking about her. When she re-emerged in the mid-80s I had no choice but to re-acknowledge her, but still, I refused to tell anyone. Why? Because I was certain that if I did those I told would consider me insane and eventually someone would seek to have me committed.

But I've gone home to my family, my Star Family, and each day I began to say little things, give little hints about "me" and now I can tell the full story. So here it goes...

Becoming Vulnerable....

I remember being called Sol-an-dra. My home star or planet was called "the blue sphere." I don't remember the original name of it, or the formal name. We just all knew it as that. I was partnered or had fusion with another being there, we were not humans. I felt female, he felt male. The name I called him, I believe, would translate or be equivalent to our English word "Love." 

The landscape was different. Blues and oranges mostly. I don't remember much green. The sky seemed to be more of a mauve or very pale violet color.  We were longer bodies. Thin. I don't remember hair. Eyes are vague, but intense. Not oval or narrowed like cat eyes, but not round like my eyes this life. They had long frilly things around the edges though, and the color was a bright violet. The color of our skin was pale blue, but it seemed to change to other pale colors almost as if it was translucent. 

But we had emotion. We felt everything. I don't know that we spoke as I speak now. There was a direct form of communication, no matter how near or far. Maybe it's what we call telepathy.

The last memory I have of then was a sense of urgency, not fear ok, but real urgency. The star was imploding, something had gone very wrong and there was a scene of chaos. I was being escorted down a long hallway by a male and a female who were downloading codes into me, pouring information in me. I was being prepared to leave the star before it was sucked into it's own black hole. They were grooming me and all I could think of was, "Where is Love?"

The male and female naturally heard my concerns and one, maybe both of them, simply informed me, "He is doing his responsibilities, just as you are doing yours, you must focus, receive what we're telling you as time is no longer." I remember projecting my vision outside, into a shadowy and explosive place. Flames were shooting up from the ground, things were topsy-turvy, disheveled, Beings were rushing here and there. A vehicle rushing close to where my point-of-view was, blurred the images, forcing me back to where my body was just as I was being lead through a doorway and just as Love's message rang through me.

"You must go, go that's what I need to know, that you go safely and NOW. No time to waste. I will get off too. I will find you."

We entered an illuminated blue space. At one end there were two sections: a glass compartment in which four other Beings already stood, and a smaller compartment that had a large window through which another Being could see into the larger one, and who seemed to be busy at some type of console.

The male and female prepared my body quickly by putting some type of force field over and around it that was like what can only be described as a spacesuit. She lead me to the door into the glass compartment where the four other Beings stood apparently waiting for me. He moved into the smaller console and stood beside the other Being; he too began to do things on the console.

She was directing me to go stand on the remaining  "bloom," which was some type of metal vent on the ground. I did as directed, glancing at each of the other four Beings. We all greeted unnaturally, with just our eyes and a very slight nod of the head. The mood was very tense.

When the female was satisfied with where I stood, she left the glass compartment, sealing the door to it and joined the other two at the console. The first male there, when we entered, began a sequence. A matrix appeared in the area and seemed to begin a count-down process but in strange (now) unfamiliar symbols. The male and female continued to communicate vital instructions. I remember being reminded that the star would be no more, we would never be able to return, that we had agreed to be part of this "mission," that we would go unconscious and have to reawaken to the remembrance of who we are.  We were wished a swift regain of consciousness that would come after a star seed re-activation at some point in our evolutionary process on the planet we were transmigrating to.

We were informed we might never re-connect with one another, but find ourselves alone. The woman gave us hope though that one day we would no longer be alone but reunited with others for the planet we had been assigned to was very hospitable, very life-affirming, and this gave confidence that other star systems would also "deposit" there.

During this time, the blue illumination changed to a very soft yellow that began to become brighter as a hum and high pitched sound grew louder. As our bodies began to sparkle and grow more and more translucent and transparent, as a lightness of being crashed down over me and my consciousness seemed to lift above and flash out, as the structure dissolved into nothingness and five brilliant and shiny ribbons of light stretched and contracted and stretched and shot across the universes -- one two three, four universes -- it seemed we entered and passed through each elongating into almost nothing and then contracting back into visible spectrums of ribbons of light just before we would pass from one universe into the next.

There were no thoughts. There was only image. And numbness. As if I was nothing and everything. As if I were only a recorder of some natural galactic phenomenon.

When we entered the atmosphere of the planet, I began to return to my natural senses. We were deposited into the ocean. We walked on the bottom until it slanted upward, until we rose up out of the water and saw a new world begin to stretch in front of us. 

I stood ankle deep in the water, a gentle shore break hitting the back of my "legs." Turning back to the ocean, my eyes lifted to the early morning sky, to the stars that still twinkled, and I heard:

"Remember you can never return to your origin, as our star will no longer be."

This is when I believe I took the first breath of oxygen, a searing pain shot through me. The biology that I was trembled. I looked down at "hands" and leaned forward to see "feet" just under the surface of the water. 

The other four companions were already moving off, one "man" and three "women". I too was in a female human body. I stood facing the sandy beach that blended into a dense vegetation. I watched the others disappear, each going in a different direction. I took another step forward, one foot still in the water, one on the sand and turned one last time back to the sky, back to the stars... as I crossed my fingers and brought both hands to my lips and for the first time spoke words, whispering of Love, of our reunion, before a darkness came down around me and the next thing I knew....

I am Kisma, age 7 or 8, standing at my parent's bedroom window, gazing up into the twilight sky, waiting for the appearance of the first nightly star. This is a normal evening event for me. I rush to their window, cross the fingers of both hands, bring them up to my lips just as I see the twinkling of the first evening star and I whisper:

"Starlight, starbright,

first star I see tonight,

please guide my husband

back to me."

I kiss the fingers, press them to my closed eyes, as images of a Being rushes through my mind and I envision him beside me.

Well, this Star Child withdrew, more and more into a fantasy world. I become "frozen" inside this human body and mind and heart until 1987 when during a meditation with a small Egyptology Group I met with on a weekly basis. The full memory is re-awakened. I am shown the transmigration vividly and when I return back to the now, I learn it has taken the group 45 minutes to get me back into my body. I feel wrecked.

Ok, so, still, I am unable to talk about it, to share who I am with anyone.  Four things occur over the following months.  

I have an encounter, a visitation that takes the electric from the neighborhood for over an hour. During this visitation what appears is a floating pyramid of colored lights. My niece, who is witness, freaked out as she saw me "transform momentarily into another Being." 

My star self?   

The second thing to occur was to have 3 men in black suits, carrying briefcases, come to the cafe where I worked one evening. The cafe was empty. I am the only waitress on duty, along with the cook and a bus-boy. I see the three men enter and move to an area near the shopping mall entrance and sit at a table. I go to them. They order coffee without looking at me as they are arranging their briefcases on the table. When I return with their coffee, their briefcases are open and spread over the table are pictures of aliens and space ships. Two of the men proceed to ask me if I've ever seen anything like what is shown in the pictures. The third man wearing sunglasses, never speaks. I shuffle through the pictures finding two. They go silent. One man orders pie for all three. When I return with the pie, they are gone. 

The rumored "men in black"?

The third thing to occur, I am taking an afternoon nap, waiting for my boyfriend to arrive. I am asleep, consciously aware I am asleep but also awake. The room shifts into another dimension. A hum fills the room. Two cloaked figures enter. They stay near my bedroom door. I am lifted from my bed as if by a hook on my head. There are clicking sounds in the room, sounds that at the time are unfamiliar to me. My body begins to spin. Faster and faster. I hear inside my head: "Star seed activation now complete. Final activation to occur at a later time." I hear the sound of my boyfriend's truck arrive outside. The engine stops. A car door opens and shuts. My body is dropped back onto the bed. The beings vaporize just as my boyfriend knocks on my front door. 

Do we dare wonder at such incredible experiences? 

At the time I was feeling a bit un-centered, un-stable, questioning my sanity. Wondering if the peyote I'd experienced in previous years was finally triggering inside my head. Yet, every inch of my being knew what was happening was "right on schedule." 

The last thing to occur: I have quit my job. Just up-and-walked out one morning after realizing I could no longer support the philosophy of the company. I went home and slept for four days on my couch; it was as if I was in a cloud. During those four days I was unable to wake-up for longer than it took to go to the toilet, and after a day that even stopped as I wasn't eating. 

It was the fourth day. It was evening, just twilight, and I opened my eyes and looked at the window... a swish of stars -- miniature stars -- came into the livingroom and formed into the constellation of Draco. I'd always been drawn to that constellation as a child, even going so far as to research it for a school project and almost perfectly draw it on paper, placing those silver foil sticky stars teachers would put on student's papers in the place of the real stars.

I stared at the dragon. The energy in the room shifting as suddenly a woman formed in the ethers beside it. On her forehead was the constellation of Cassiopeia. 

When I was 14, Ishtar had done exactly the same thing during savasana at the end of a Hatha yoga class. She was colored blue and held out her hand to me while speaking in another language (I still remember the words exactly!). 

Well Cassiopeia did not hold out her hand, nor speak, but the words, "GET UP!" flooded through me. I blinked, both images were gone, and guess what?  lol

Yes, I got up, and a new journey began. A new phase of my life. BUT STILL my truth was pretty much self-contained. A thaw had begun.

So... here we are now. I'm in Holland. I'm opening up to the REAL ME: that scared little crazy Kisma always in search of Love.

that teenager who never fit in ANYWHERE.

that woman who has always had a missing part inside her

to that right NOW... me... 

someone who has come full circle in her multi-dimensional selves, her multi-dimensional life awareness and who sees the fullness of light (life) in a drop of dew.

Love has re-entered, the re-connection made, which has brought me incredible relief and happiness, though one day perhaps Love will remember and even be able to say to me, "I finally found you again." Even if those words are never spoken, it's enough just to know he made it. I maybe re-connected with some, if not all, of the beings I transmigrated with to this planet... I don't know, as I feel they must have the same memory within them to know for certain. 

But one thing I am very certain of: everyone in my life now belongs there. My sweet family I live with, my Star Global Family, all the LOVELY Star Children of every age I have rejoined with or met in the past month. 

I have thawed out.
I am safe.
I feel complete now.




Kisses,
    from Kisma


P.S. oh there is more to come... Holland was life-transformational and there's so much more to share!  lol